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1. Summary At eleven o’clock the next morning, Higgins and Pickering are in Higgins’s laboratory in Wimpole Street, a fashionable and expensive area in Westminster, close to the Royal Society of Medicine and the consulting rooms of many distinguished specialist doctors. Higgins has been giving Pickering a tour of the laboratory and demonstrating the equipment to him when his housekeeper, Mrs. Pearce, enters and announces that a young woman with a “dreadful” accent has come to see him.
Eliza Doolittle (or Liza–she is called both), the flower girl Higgins and Pickering met the night before, enters the laboratory, dressed in what were evidently the cleanest and most respectable clothes she could find, though they create a pathetic impression on the two gentlemen and the audience. Higgins had been hoping to have a new accent to study, so he is disappointed and irritated to see Eliza, as he made notes on her accent the night before. He dismisses her brusquely, but Eliza announces that she has come to take lessons and intends to pay for them. She recalls Higgins’s boast from the night before and states that she wants to learn to speak English correctly so that she can “be a lady in a flower shop stead of selling at the corner of Tottenham Court Road.”
Eliza offers Higgins a shilling an hour to teach her English, since a friend of hers pays eighteen pence an hour for French lessons and it cannot cost as much as that to learn one’s own language. Higgins points out to Pickering that if one considers the shilling as a proportion of Eliza’s income, this is actually a handsome offer, equivalent to sixty pounds from the millionaires he is accustomed to teaching. The mention of such a large sum of money leads Eliza to panic and she begins to cry.
Pickering, who, unlike Higgins, has treated Eliza with consideration and courtesy since her arrival, says that he is interested in the notion of teaching Eliza to speak English properly. He reminds Higgins of his boast and suggests that they should conduct an experiment to see whether they can really pass Eliza off as an upper-class lady at a social event, wagering Higgins the expenses of the experiment that he will not be able to do it. Higgins agrees to this, regarding it as an irresistible challenge. He continues to talk about Eliza as if she were not present, exhibiting a complete lack of regard for her feelings and announcing, “I shall make a duchess of this draggletailed guttersnipe.”
Higgins then instructs Mrs. Pearce to take Eliza away and wash her, burning her clothes and ordering new ones. Pickering, Mrs. Pearce, and Eliza all protest that, as Mrs. Pearce expresses, “you can't take a girl up like that as if you were picking up a pebble on the beach.” They ask what Eliza’s position is to be in the house and what is to happen to her when the experiment is finished. Higgins treats these objections scornfully, pointing out that Eliza has no future as things stand. She is not married, and nobody else wants her. Finally, he prevails, and Mrs. Pearce takes Eliza to the bathroom.
When the two of them are alone, Pickering asks Higgins if he is “a man of good character where women are concerned.” Higgins flippantly replies that he has never met such a man, but he assures Pickering that his interest in Eliza is purely professional. Mrs. Pearce returns briefly while Eliza is bathing and, much to Higgins’s chagrin, asks him to be careful about his language and personal habits while Eliza is staying with him. She notes in particular his propensity to curse and to neglect his personal cleanliness to the extent of wiping his fingers on his dressing gown. While Higgins is still fuming at this, Eliza’s father, Alfred Doolittle, enters.
Doolittle has adopted the attitude of a father concerned about his daughter’s honor. He tells Higgins that he wants Eliza back, and Higgins immediately replies that he should take her, suggesting that Doolittle has arranged the entire situation to extort money from him. He then threatens to call the police. This confuses Doolittle, who has indeed come for money but is flustered to find the topic broached so suddenly. He asks Higgins for five pounds, adopting a wheedling tone and complaining that he is generally prevented from receiving charity by “middle class morality,” which regards him as “one of the undeserving poor.” Higgins is so delighted by Doolittle’s rhetoric that he offers him ten pounds, but Doolittle says that he would rather have five, since ten pounds is a large sum of money which he “wouldn’t have the heart” to spend.
As Doolittle leaves the laboratory, he passes a beautiful young lady in a kimono, whom he fails to recognize as Eliza. Eliza has enjoyed a luxurious hot bath for the first time in her life and now says that she understands why the upper classes are so clean: washing is a pleasure for them. Doolittle leaves, and Eliza remarks that she does not want to see him again. She is already delighted with her new station in life, and she rushes out of the laboratory with an excited shriek when Mrs. Pearce tells her that her new clothes have arrived. The scene ends with Higgins and Pickering both realizing from this reaction just how much Eliza will have to learn if Higgins is to succeed in the experiment.
2. Passages from Act II PICKERING. Higgins: I'm interested. What about the ambassador's garden party? I'll say you're the greatest teacher alive if you make that good. I'll bet you all the expenses of the experiment you can't do it. And I'll pay for the lessons.
LIZA. Oh, you are real good. Thank you, Captain.
HIGGINS [tempted, looking at her] It's almost irresistible. She's so deliciously low--so horribly dirty--
LIZA [protesting extremely] Ah--ah--ah--ah--ow--ow--oooo!!! I ain't dirty: I washed my face and hands afore I come, I did.
PICKERING. You're certainly not going to turn her head with flattery, Higgins.
MRS. PEARCE [uneasy] Oh, don't say that, sir: there's more ways than one of turning a girl's head; and nobody can do it better than Mr. Higgins, though he may not always mean it. I do hope, sir, you won't encourage him to do anything foolish.
HIGGINS [becoming excited as the idea grows on him] What is life but a series of inspired follies? The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every day. I shall make a duchess of this draggletailed guttersnipe.
LIZA [strongly deprecating this view of her] Ah--ah--ah--ow--ow-- oo!
HIGGINS [carried away] Yes: in six months--in three if she has a good ear and a quick tongue--I'll take her anywhere and pass her off as anything. We'll start today: now! this moment! Take her away and clean her, Mrs. Pearce. Monkey Brand, if it won't come off any other way. Is there a good fire in the kitchen?
MRS. PEARCE [protesting]. Yes; but--
HIGGINS [storming on] Take all her clothes off and burn them. Ring up Whiteley or somebody for new ones. Wrap her up in brown paper till they come.
LIZA. You're no gentleman, you're not, to talk of such things. I'm a good girl, I am; and I know what the like of you are, I do.
HIGGINS. We want none of your Lisson Grove prudery here, young woman. You've got to learn to behave like a duchess. Take her away, Mrs. Pearce. If she gives you any trouble wallop her.
LIZA [springing up and running between Pickering and Mrs. Pearce for protection] No! I'll call the police, I will.
MRS. PEARCE. But I've no place to put her.
HIGGINS. Put her in the dustbin.
LIZA. Ah--ah--ah--ow--ow--oo!
PICKERING. Oh come, Higgins! be reasonable.
MRS. PEARCE [resolutely] You must be reasonable, Mr. Higgins: really you must. You can't walk over everybody like this.
[HIGGINS, thus scolded, subsides. The hurricane is succeeded by a zephyr of amiable surprise.]
HIGGINS [with professional exquisiteness of modulation] I walk over everybody! My dear Mrs. Pearce, my dear Pickering, I never had the slightest intention of walking over anyone. All I propose is that we should be kind to this poor girl. We must help her to prepare and fit herself for her new station in life. If I did not express myself clearly it was because I did not wish to hurt her delicacy, or yours.
[LIZA, reassured, steals back to her chair.]
MRS. PEARCE [to PICKERING] Well, did you ever hear anything like that, sir?
PICKERING [laughing heartily] Never, Mrs. Pearce: never.
HIGGINS [patiently] What's the matter?
MRS. PEARCE. Well, the matter is, sir, that you can't take a girl up like that as if you were picking up a pebble on the beach.
HIGGINS. Why not?
MRS. PEARCE. Why not! But you don't know anything about her. What about her parents? She may be married.
LIZA. Garn!
HIGGINS. There! As the girl very properly says, Garn! Married indeed! Don't you know that a woman of that class looks a worn out drudge of fifty a year after she's married. LIZA. Who'd marry me?
HIGGINS [suddenly resorting to the most thrillingly beautiful low tones in his best elocutionary style] By George, Eliza, the streets will be strewn with the bodies of men shooting themselves for your sake before I've done with you.
MRS. PEARCE. Nonsense, sir. You mustn't talk like that to her.
LIZA [rising and squaring herself determinedly] I'm going away. He's off his chump, he is. I don't want no balmies teaching me.
HIGGINS [wounded in his tenderest point by her insensibility to his elocution] Oh, indeed! I'm mad, am I? Very well, Mrs. Pearce: you needn't order the new clothes for her. Throw her out.
LIZA [whimpering] Nah--ow. You got no right to touch me.
MRS. PEARCE. You see now what comes of being saucy. [Indicating the door] This way, please.
LIZA [almost in tears] I didn't want no clothes. I wouldn't have taken them [she throws away the handkerchief]. I can buy my own clothes.
HIGGINS [deftly retrieving the handkerchief and intercepting her on her reluctant way to the door] You're an ungrateful wicked girl. This is my return for offering to take you out of the gutter and dress you beautifully and make a lady of you. MRS. PEARCE. Stop, Mr. Higgins. I won't allow it. It's you that are wicked. Go home to your parents, girl; and tell them to take better care of you.
LIZA. I ain't got no parents. They told me I was big enough to earn my own living and turned me out.
MRS. PEARCE. Where's your mother?
LIZA. I ain't got no mother. Her that turned me out was my sixth stepmother. But I done without them. And I'm a good girl, I am.
HIGGINS. Very well, then, what on earth is all this fuss about? The girl doesn't belong to anybody--is no use to anybody but me. [He goes to MRS. PEARCE and begins coaxing]. You can adopt her, Mrs. Pearce: I'm sure a daughter would be a great amusement to you. Now don't make any more fuss. Take her downstairs; and--
MRS. PEARCE. But what's to become of her? Is she to be paid anything? Do be sensible, sir.
HIGGINS. Oh, pay her whatever is necessary: put it down in the housekeeping book. [Impatiently] What on earth will she want with money? She'll have her food and her clothes. She'll only drink if you give her money.
LIZA [turning on him] Oh you are a brute. It's a lie: nobody ever saw the sign of liquor on me. [She goes back to her chair and plants herself there defiantly].
PICKERING [in good-humored remonstrance] Does it occur to you, Higgins, that the girl has some feelings?
HIGGINS [looking critically at her] Oh no, I don't think so. Not any feelings that we need bother about. [Cheerily] Have you, Eliza?
LIZA. I got my feelings same as anyone else.
HIGGINS [to PICKERING, reflectively] You see the difficulty?
PICKERING. Eh? What difficulty?
HIGGINS. To get her to talk grammar. The mere pronunciation is easy enough.
LIZA. I don't want to talk grammar. I want to talk like a lady . MRS. PEARCE. Will you please keep to the point, Mr. Higgins. I want to know on what terms the girl is to be here. Is she to have any wages? And what is to become of her when you've finished your teaching? You must look ahead a little.
HIGGINS [impatiently] What's to become of her if I leave her in the gutter? Tell me that, Mrs. Pearce.
MRS. PEARCE. That's her own business, not yours, Mr. Higgins.
HIGGINS. Well, when I've done with her, we can throw her back into the gutter; and then it will be her own business again; so that's all right.
LIZA. Oh, you've no feeling heart in you: you don't care for nothing but yourself [she rises and takes the floor resolutely]. Here! I've had enough of this. I'm going [making for the door]. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, you ought.
HIGGINS [snatching a chocolate cream from the piano, his eyes suddenly beginning to twinkle with mischief] Have some chocolates, Eliza.
LIZA [halting, tempted] How do I know what might be in them? I've heard of girls being drugged by the like of you.
[HIGGINS whips out his penknife; cuts a chocolate in two; puts one half into his mouth and bolts it; and offers her the other half.]
HIGGINS. Pledge of good faith, Eliza. I eat one half you eat the other. [LIZA opens her mouth to retort: he pops the half chocolate into it]. You shall have boxes of them, barrels of them, every day. You shall live on them. Eh?
LIZA [who has disposed of the chocolate after being nearly choked by it] I wouldn't have ate it, only I'm too ladylike to take it out of my mouth.
HIGGINS. Listen, Eliza. I think you said you came in a taxi.
LIZA. Well, what if I did? I've as good a right to take a taxi as anyone else.
HIGGINS. You have, Eliza; and in future you shall have as many taxis as you want. You shall go up and down and round the town in a taxi every day. Think of that, Eliza.
MRS. PEARCE. Mr. Higgins: you're tempting the girl. It's not right. She should think of the future.
HIGGINS. At her age! Nonsense! Time enough to think of the future when you haven't any future to think of. No, Eliza: do as this lady does: think of other people's futures; but never think of your own. Think of chocolates, and taxis, and gold, and diamonds.
LIZA. No: I don't want no gold and no diamonds. I'm a good girl, I am. [She sits down again, with an attempt at dignity].
HIGGINS. You shall remain so, Eliza, under the care of Mrs. Pearce. And you shall marry an officer in the Guards, with a beautiful moustache: the son of a marquis, who will disinherit him for marrying you, but will relent when he sees your beauty and goodness--
PICKERING. Excuse me, Higgins; but I really must interfere. Mrs. Pearce is quite right. If this girl is to put herself in your hands for six months for an experiment in teaching, she must understand thoroughly what she's doing.
HIGGINS. How can she? She's incapable of understanding anything. Besides, do any of us understand what we are doing? If we did, would we ever do it?
PICKERING. Very clever, Higgins; but not sound sense. [To ELIZA] Miss Doolittle--
LIZA [overwhelmed] Ah--ah--ow--oo!
HIGGINS. There! That's all you get out of Eliza. Ah--ah--ow--oo! No use explaining. As a military man you ought to know that. Give her her orders: that's what she wants. Eliza: you are to live here for the next six months, learning how to speak beautifully, like a lady in a florist's shop. If you're good and do whatever you're told, you shall sleep in a proper bedroom, and have lots to eat, and money to buy chocolates and take rides in taxis. If you're naughty and idle you will sleep in the back kitchen among the black beetles, and be walloped by Mrs. Pearce with a broomstick. At the end of six months you shall go to Buckingham Palace in a carriage, beautifully dressed. If the King finds out you're not a lady, you will be taken by the police to the Tower of London, where your head will be cut off as a warning to other presumptuous flower girls. If you are not found out, you shall have a present of seven-and sixpence to start life with as a lady in a shop. If you refuse this offer you will be a most ungrateful and wicked girl; and the angels will weep for you. [To PICKERING] Now are you satisfied, Pickering? [To MRS. PEARCE] Can I put it more plainly and fairly, Mrs. Pearce?
MRS. PEARCE [patiently] I think you'd better let me speak to the girl properly in private. I don't know that I can take charge of her or consent to the arrangement at all. Of course I know you don't mean her any harm; but when you get what you call interested in people's accents, you never think or care what may happen to them or you. Come with me, Eliza.
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